Halloween Candy is Cursed and will Poison Your Soul!

Charlie Brown Halloween

Oh sure that looks innocent enough – just a bunch of Peanuts characters hanging out at the pumpkin patch on Halloween, but did you know that they’ve all been exposed to time-released evil spirits delivered to them via witch-cursed Halloween candies?  Did you know that their souls have been commandeered by Satan’s minions?  It’s TRUE!  Lucy, Linus, Peppermint Patty, Pigpen, and Linus are all working for the devil!

You want to know how I know?  I read a column titled “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween” By Kimberly Daniels on the Christian Broadcasting Network website:

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed.  A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

…most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season.  Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store.  The demons cannot tell the difference.

Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats.  It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms.  The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist.  I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season.  If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent.  I have. Then declare with me:  “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

I found the column via an email link sent to me by AU, but that link is dead.  I searched for it using the search engine on the CBN website, but it found nothing.  They’ve removed it from their site.  But thanks to Google (they must have eaten some of that cursed candy) you can read the whole column on the cached page.

So be careful this Halloween, and keep your kids and yourselves away from Halloween candy – ALL candy, because you can’t be sure which candy has been cursed.  Those witches are pretty smart you know, they’ll curse the candy that’s not sold as Halloween treats.  They’ll curse your innocent looking Snickers or Hershey bar.  They’ll curse that jawbreaker and even that expensive box of Halloween themed Moonstruck truffles, so BEWARE!

After reading that article I became very wary of my children who have  found the hidden Halloween candy and already eaten a few pieces.  I don’t know if I’ll sleep well tonight for fear the demonic spirits will turn them into:

So scary I have to drink a beer to calm my nerves.  Hey… Kimberly Daniels didn’t say anything about seasonal beers being cursed by witches, so this Snow Cap I’m drinking must be safe.  I don’t feel evil anyway… not yet…

George Bush Motivates for Cheap – Only $4.95!

Former President George W. Bush has come out of the Texas cave he’s been hiding in for nine months.  Why?  So he can start making some money on the motivational speaking tour. 

On Monday night he appeared with several other speakers as part of the “GET MOTIVATED!” business seminar.  Other marquee speakers included Colin Powell (who like many of us were motivated by Bush to vote for Obama), Rudy Giuliani, Terry Bradshaw, and Reverend Robert Schuller.  All those motivators were there for the low, low price of $4.95 a seat ($19.95 group rates) and $89 for those high rolling VIP friends and supporters of his that wanted to get up close.

What did W have to say?  Well he expressed his appreciation fo all the people who prayed for him and he said, “Every single day, I was honored to be your president by bringing honor and dignity to the office.”

Yes…  honor and dignity brought straight to you through tax cuts for the super rich, an unnecessary war in Iraq, an unfinished war in Afghanistan, illegal wiretaps, illegal detentions, secret renditions, an economy brought to its knees by his “base,” an evil sidekick, and hundreds of mangled-English bushisms.  Yes, I feel honored and dignified to have lived through all eight years of it. 

But it’s not just me!  Go to this CNN story and read all the comments by others who survived the Bush Administration.  They’ll motivate you to start cursing uncontrollably all over again!  My favorite comment was “Maybe his angle is to motivate people from the failure perspective.  I would rather listen to someone who was successful.

Regardless, I was so motivated just reading about it that I even wrote a post!

I am MOTIVATED!  I am gonna do something big!  I’m gonna… ummm…  well… I’m gonna…  drink some more Chianti and go to bed.

As a follow-up, here’s and email exchange between me and a regular reader (edited for clarity):

Reader:  The motivation speaking tour you speak of was in Hershey, PA last week and my boss made it an event we had to go to.  What a sham this little event is.  Rudy G, Terry Bradshaw and Former President of Microsoft, Rick Belluzo.   I will in fairness say that these three gave a nice speak as well as Rev. Schuller.   But the sales pitch for market timing stock software, real estate, tax dodges and other crazy investments schemes was hard to watch.  They infuse a bit of patriotism with U.N. bashing and a smattering of the good ol’ religion (actually quite a bit).  They would work the crowd up on these sales pitches and say what holds most people back is “ not acting so act today and  secure my” no I mean “your future”  they would open the tables for people to sign up and people would be running ( literally) in the hundreds to sign up first.  This happened four or five times.   I feel I am dumber for having been to this thing.  With all of that said it is the perfect venue for “W”.  He actually might be in a room where he is at least considered of average intelligence.  In other words these are his peeps or peers.  Depending on what side of the tracks you are from.

Me:  Market Timing stock software?  Sheesh… anyone producing that crap should be sent to Guantanamo.  I am having a hard time imagining you at such an awful event.  Is your boss a rightwing wacko?  Was there a bar nearby?

Reader:  I went out to the lobby quite a bit and had multiple beers when lunch time came about and had my fingers pushed so far into my ears I could actually feel them touching.  I was pissed and hoping that no one would recognize me.  After the event and the mandatory company dinner- myself and two of the other attendees went to Moe’s Tavern and proceeded to get happy and block out the trauma we had suffered at the hands of our fearless leader.
 
He is NOT a right wing nut job.  He actually thought it was a motivation conference as there is no mention of the sales pitches on their website.   I think he didn’t know what to do with us and thought this would be a cheap option.   Personally, I wish he would have not gathered us up, but it was nice to see everyone (try for the silver lining here).

For more reporting about W’s debut as a motivational speaker, you can find The Daily Show segment here and The Colbert Report coverage here.

From WaMu to Waste Managment

The feature story in today’s Seattle Times is about how Washington Mutual, a 119-year old bank that survived the Great Depression and the Savings & Loan crisis, became the largest bank ever to go bust.  With Kerry Killinger at the helm, the bank abandoned all safeguards and took on a huge portfolio of risky loans.  Why?  The more risk, the more potential for profit.  Big profits make big dogs rich.  It was ultimately the unchecked greed of Killinger that led to the bank’s demise.

You can read all the gory details in the article or you can just skip to the bottom of the sidebar to get the jist of it all:

Postscript: In August, WaMu’s former New York Stock Exchange ticker symbol, WM, was adopted by another company: Houston-based trash hauler Waste Management.

’nuff said.

Rush Limbaugh Fooled by Fake Obama Thesis

Rush Limbaugh was fooled by a satirical blog post reporting that Obama wrote in a college thesis that he wasn’t too pleased with the U.S. Constitution.  The Buzz Log reports:

Supposedly titled “Aristocracy Revisited,” the excerpt revealed the president had “doubts” about the “so-called founders.”  Juicy.  Except not true.  Limbaugh discovered halfway through his show that he’d been had, but defended himself by saying basically the thesis felt true.  Listen in to Rush’s mea sorta culpa.

Yes it “felt true” to Rush Limbaugh because he wanted it to be true, not because he checked sources and verified what he was reporting. 

Rush Limbaugh truely is a Big Fat Idiot.

Is Fox News just the conservative standout in a sea of liberally biased media?

I’ve been struck recently by the tenacity of the misinformed and seemingly illiterate, Fox News watching, Obama hating, conservatives who comment in public discussion forums. There is a massive, negative response to their posts by the more well-informed and thoughtful, yet mostly average internet denizens. But no matter how well argued and articulated the points against these immovable objects are, I continue to see the same arguments from the same people, issue after issue, article after article, blog after blog. It’s as though they stop reading as soon as information, no matter how credible and/or factual, turns them off as soon as it offends their “densibilities.”

A huge argument that rears its head like an indestructible cockroach in your otherwise clean kitchen (granted, your apartment is above a one-man Mediterranean pizza joint), is that ABC, CNN, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, and C-SPAN are liberal news sources, just as much as Fox News is conservative. In fact, the argument goes, in this sea of liberally biased news sources, any criticism of Fox News is dismissible hypocrisy.

And you don’t [take pro-Obama news as gospel] when it’s cnn, nbc, abc and cbs?? Come on….

But for us it’s not the source of the information that matters, it’s how well the information compares to reality. If CNN is reporting that Obama is training a Frog Army to invade our homes and eat our small pets, the source doesn’t matter because that just doesn’t make sense. If several sources are reporting it, then my curiosity is piqued and I want to know why this crazy thing is being reported. When Obama comes on and denies the rumor, explaining that the Frog Army is here to protect our Victory Gardens from insects, then it is confirmed, in my mind, that a Frog Army is not as ridiculous as it sounded and I start scouring other sources for more information. How are these frogs produced? How are they controlled? What can they be used for? Why have I never heard of the science behind this? I go to the library, read science journals, scour news sources and elevate the ones that adhere to the facts above the ones who resort to scare tactics. After all, my kitty’s life could be on the line here!

Unfortunately for all of us, when it comes to a lot of what these people believe, the only sources they can turn to are the opinion shapers weaved into the fabric of their funny little information ecosystem that is tainted with lies, paranoia, and a groupthink agenda. Glenn Beck floats an accusation, “is the CDC maintaining internment camps? I can’t debunk the rumors…World Net Daily reports on it as fact and cites Glenn Beck, a trusted guy on TV who couldn’t have a job in television news if he was a liar. Digg commenters submit the stories and rush over to FreeRepublic to get the “Freepers” to raid Digg and simulate a groundswell of support for ideas that are being “suppressed by the Mainstream MSM Media!

Conversely, it’s a rare occasion that I turn to CNN, ABC, CBS, or MSNBC for the detailed information I need to form an opinion. They just don’t offer much beyond what will interest the broadest set of viewers. A recent example was the Balloon Boy story. The major outlets were the only good source of information. Granted, the cynic in me saw a few facts (the family was recently on Wife Swap, the reality show for the least talented of the reality show attention whore hoards, the balloon didn’t look like it was carrying anything more than itself as it tossed about in the wind, and they, themselves, had informed their local TV news station — before, it turns out, they even contacted 911) in the story that had the word “hoax” on the tip of my tongue.

But the conservative sheep need to know, if I don’t get my information from cable, how on earth can I call myself well-informed?

So where do you get your information from?

Let me begin with a list of the RSS feeds I subscribe to for you. This is my first stop for a rundown on what’s going on in the world each morning (and these are just the feeds in my ‘Politics’ folder):

Fark headlines: http://www.fark.com/politics/fark.rss
Christian Science Monitor: http://www.csmonitor.com/rss/top.rss
Reuters: http://www.microsite.reuters.com/rss/ElectionCover …
Salon: http://feeds.salon.com/salon/index
Slate: http://www.slate.com/rss/
Christian Post: http://www.christianpost.com/services/rss/feed/
Media Matters: http://feeds.mediamatters.org/mediamatters/latest
538: http://feeds.feedburner.com/538dotcom?format=xml
Reason Mag: http://feeds.feedburner.com/reason/AllArticles
Crooks and Liars: http://www.crooksandliars.com/rss.xml

As you can see, I have a mix of liberal, conservative, non-partisan, and libertarian feeds. I look for headlines that interest me, compare what each source has to say, and try to find out why there are differences, if there are any. For that, I use the following:

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org
Snopes: http://snopes.com
FactCheck: http://factcheck.org

Politifact:
http://politifact.com

And a whole lot of google.com and news.google.com. Another great source of information is actually the comments sections of many of the sites I listed above. In fact, I would be comfortable saying that I crowdsource my information gathering.

If an article I read cites sources, I will read the source and then find out what I can about the publisher of that information. Like sometimes people will cite an article on the Center For Consumer Freedom‘s website. I have, through the steps listed above, discovered that this is a front group for major corporations whose agenda is to conflate consumer freedom with corporate interests (although, in this case Wikipedia’s open edit policy has failed me!). They want to strike down laws that protect consumers against, for example, unhealthy food additives. But they advocate for the issue by redefining the purpose of the government’s intervention to say that the government wants to take away your freedom to eat food with unhealthy additives. And all they’re interested in is protecting your freedom (to buy their products).

They also like to cite each other. If an article cites sources that cite other sources that then cite no one or they cite other parts of their own site or they cite their own research, I dismiss the article as a partisan lie.

So, yeah. CNN, ABC, CBS, and MSNBC have very little to do with my information gathering. But there’s a lot more to it than that and I think that’s where the divide comes in. Uninformed people criticizing somewhat-informed people, not for being uninformed, but for coming down on the opposite side of the uninformed debate from them. They get all of their information from Fox News and then believe that they are informed.

At least Fox News is fair and balanced!

And because they believe that a cable news station is all they need to be well informed, they also believe that all of the rest of us depend on MSNBC to similarly inform us. It’s like they’re blindly playing Marco-Polo in a crowded public pool. They assume everyone they bump into is the one they heard shouting “Marco!” But it wasn’t. It was Glenn Beck and he’s sitting in a comfy chair two thousand miles away.

Friday Night Videos – Patti Smith, Rosanne Cash, and Elvis Costello

I came across this one today via Harper’s. It’s Patti Smith singing “You LIght Up my Life” from the 1980′s TV show, Kids are People Too.

Rosanne Cash released a new album last week featuring around a dozend songs from a list of 100 that Johnny gaver her and told her to study if she really wanted to get into the music business. Here’s “I’m Movin’ On.”

I’ve been listening to Elvis Costello lateleyand really like this song off his first album.

Republicans in Favor of Gang Rape

Last night’s Daily Show include a segment about Al Franken’s amendment to a bill that would ban the government from entering into contracts with companies like Halliburton/KBR that include provisions that prevent their employees from suing them because they were raped while on the job.  (Background story about the Jamie Leigh Jones rape case here.)

30 Republicans voted against the amendment.  Yes, that’s how Republicans are.   They can make gang rape political.

Watch and learn.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Rape-Nuts
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

 

Here are the names of all 30 pro-rape Repugnicans.

Alexander (R-TN) Barrasso (R-WY) Bond (R-MO) Brownback (R-KS) Bunning (R-KY) Burr (R-NC) Chambliss (R-GA) Coburn (R-OK) Cochran (R-MS) Corker (R-TN) Cornyn (R-TX) Crapo (R-ID) DeMint (R-SC) Ensign (R-NV) Enzi (R-WY) Graham (R-SC) Gregg (R-NH) Inhofe (R-OK) Isakson (R-GA) Johanns (R-NE) Kyl (R-AZ) McCain (R-AZ) McConnell (R-KY) Risch (R-ID) Roberts (R-KS) Sessions (R-AL) Shelby (R-AL) Thune (R-SD) Vitter (R-LA) Wicker (R-MS)

Update:  For more insightful commentary about this sorry lot, I recommend Mark Morford’s column on SF Gate.

Hearty Drinks for Cold Times

Summer is over people.  We in Seattle got our first dose of cold, wet, and windy this week.  No more hot sunny days here.  Time to shelve the light refreshing drinks and stock up on the hearty stuff.

I have a few suggestions.  Let’s start with what you need when you wake up in the dark.  You need a hearty cup of coffee that grabs your attention and charges you up for the day ahead.  You need something as dark as the early morning sky and and as complex as the layer of compost you’ve spread over your dead vegetable garden.  You need a cup of Indonesian Gajah Aceh from the Stumptown Coffee Roasters in Portland, Oregon.

Indonesia Gajah

They describe the coffee as:

Laden with aromas of blackberry compote and tamarind, this cup has flavors of plum, blackberry, toffee and earth, finishing sweetly with buttery caramel.

And when you arrive home from work after your long, dark commute and find yourself craving a cold one, you won’t be wanting a summer ale or IPA, you are going to want something thick and toasty.  May I suggest the 2009 edition of Deschutes Jubelale?

Jubelale09_bottle

The world’s best brewery describes their beer as follows:

Jubelale.   Brewed with dark crystal malt creating a luscious holiday note with bountiful hops to excite your taste buds— it’s easy to see why Jubelale is the perfect complement to the season.

Get it while you can.

Not into beer?  How about a wine?  A really intense red wine?  The French do it best.  Go buy yourself some 2007 Domaine Des Hauts Chassis Crozes-Hermitage.

chassis crozes hermitage

K&L Wine Merchants says:

The 2007 Hauts Chassis is elegant and refined, with violet, mocha and nutmeg spice aromatics, followed by supple and bright notes of black cherry, blackberry and savory notes.  Enjoy now and over the next 10 years with braised meats or a selection of cheeses.

You can buy it at Pike and Western Wine Shop in the Pike Place Market.  (Don’t buy all of it, because I need some more.)

Okay then there now… you’ve got your drinking orders, now go drink!

Obama Nobel Peace Prize Football Analogies

It’s Saturday and there are a lot of football games on, so I wasn’t too surprised to receive a viral email criticizing Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize.  Here’s what I received:

THE NFL COMMISSIONER HAS JUST ANNOUNCED THE WINNER OF THE 2010 SUPER BOWL.  IT IS THE CINCINNATI BENGALS!  THEY HAVE GOTTEN OFF TO A PRETTY GOOD START SO WHY WAIT TO SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO OVER A FULL SEASON.  JUST GIVE THEM THE PRIZE AND THE WINNINGS AND GET ON WITH THE VISIT TO THE WHITE HOUSE WHERE THEY CAN CELEBRATE ALONG WITH ANOTHER WINNER WHO HAS NOT SEEN A FULL SEASON, LET ALONE THE FIRST QUARTER!

Yes it did come in all caps and underlined.

My own football analogy follows:

Obama is like a college player loaded with natural skills who has shown he can perform at the highest level.  So, as many star college football players have been awarded huge contracts for their potential and are sometimes awarded huge contracts that make them the highest paid player on the team – even though they’ve never played a down of pro ball – so was Obama awarded the Nobel Prize.  He has a tremendous up side.

He has already changed many people’s opinions of the USA, and by doing so has signaled that we can work together with other nations to solve our most pressing problems.  We’ll have to wait and see if he ends up being a Bosworth or a Manning.  My money is on Manning.