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Archive for the ‘Asides’ Category

Drinking and Vocabulary

July 29th, 2010

Take a look at this chart from a Discover Magazine blogpost that shows people who drink more have more extensive vocabularies.

drinkwordsum

The chart is based on WORDSUM scores (a vocabulary test included in the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale) compared to percentile groupings of people in the survey who identified themselves as drinkers. 

There are many more drinking graphs in the post including drinking by demographic categories, by regions of the United States, and by political and educational categories.

Go read it and then pour yourself a drink.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , ,

Bastille Day in America

July 14th, 2010

What should an American do to celebrate La Fête Nationale?

Drink!

I’m always looking of an excuse to open a bottle of French bubbly, and a day celebrating the French people’s freedom from monarchy seems like as good a reason as any.

So right now I am watching le Tour de France, listening to Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz, and drinking a bottle of Domaine Vigneau-Chevreau Vouvray Brut method traditionnelle, and toasting the French.

…not much left in the bottle now.

It’s all good….

Cheers!

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , , , ,

Hot Summer Day in Seattle

July 8th, 2010

Summer finally arrived in Seattle the day after the 4th of July weekend.  That’s pretty normal around these parts.

It’s been getting warmer every day since the 4th, and today the weathermen say it’s going to be 94 degrees.   Too hot for some folks around here.  I can hear them complaining now…

Driving in to work today, (Why is the weather always the nicest during the work week?) I was listening to KPLU, and today’s installment of “Record Bin Roulette” was titled “Summertime.”  One of the bits they played was Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch saying: 

“Let me just go put something on.  I’ll go into the kitchen to get dressed.  When it’s hot like this you know what I do?  I keep my undies in the icebox.”

I went searching for a clip of this on YouTube and did not find it, but I did find this one, and it might even be better.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides, Panties Tags: , ,

Lego Soccer Highlights of USA vs. England

June 15th, 2010

via The Guardian:

That makes a tie something tolerable to watch.

That and the absence of a hundred thousand vuvuzelas making a very loud and annoying, never-ending buzzing beehive sound.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , , , ,

Kid in Philly Sips a Beer at a Game

June 8th, 2010

A TV cameraman and someone with a phone camera got videos of this kid tipping a what is most likely his grandpa’s empty beer bottle to his mouth, and now lots of people are pissed off.

What is the big deal?  It’s a LIGHT beer (98% water!) and, like I said, it’s most likey empty – meaning the kid got maybe a drop of two of warm beer out of the bottle.  If he takes any kind of kid meds for colds like Benadryl or Robitussin cough syrup, he’s getting way more messed up by that stuff than by a couple drops of warm LIGHT beer.

It’s the image that’s made some people furious when they should be  just laughing.  Although, if you go this site, you’ll find that the laughers outnumber the furious by a ratio of about 3:1. 

Hey Philly!  I am with the laughers on this one.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides, Humor Tags: ,

Excessive Overdraft Fees

March 30th, 2010

Scanning through the April 2010 Harper’s Index, a couple of numbers with lots of zeros stood out.

$38,900,000,000  That’s the estimated amount that all U.S. banks charged their customers in overdraft fees in 2009.  How much did you chip in?

$2,100,000,000,000  That’s the amount that President Obama has added to America’s “brand value” according to the Nation Brands IndexWe’re Number One!

I don’t even know how to say that number.  What comes after trillions?  I’ll look it up.

Quadrillion.  $2.1 quadrillion gained.  I wonder what the loss attributed to Bush was.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , ,

Who Will Pat Robertson Blame for the Chilean Earthquake?

February 27th, 2010

Who will Pat Robertson blame for the earthquake that struck Chile last night? 

Will it be liberal judges?

Will it be homosexuals?

Will it be feminists?

Will it be evolutionists?

Will it be the United Nations?

Will it be Voodoo Devil Dealmakers?

Will it be the abortionists?

And if a big tsunami strikes the beaches of Hawaii and causes death and destruction, will he blame Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated?

Somebody’s got to take the blame, and it sure as Hell won’t be the nuts that follow the wacked out teachings of Reverend Pat.

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , ,

Kicking Ass for Jesus

February 25th, 2010

via the Lapham’s Quarterly Roundtable blog post, “Turn the Other Cheek.”

The gentlemen boxers of the Young Men’s Christian Association would have been pleased to make the acquaintance of this new incarnation of faith-based fight clubs: a church cum mixed martial arts facility in Nashville called Xtreme Ministries, profiled in this week’s New York Times, which practices a combination of bare-knuckle fighting, wrestling, and kick-boxing and whose motto is “Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.”

Leonard Lane, left, fighting for Xtreme Ministries, a church that doubles as a martial arts academy. photo by Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Leonard Lane, left, fighting for Xtreme Ministries, a church that doubles as a martial arts academy. photo by Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

The Roundtable post connects this new rougher and tougher image of Jesus and his disciples to the Muscular Christianity movement that arrived in the U.S. around the turn of the 20th Century.  They thought that Christian leaders had pretty much morphed the image of Jesus into a woman during the previous century, and they wanted to turn him into a man again. 

One of the movement’s followers was Dr. R. warren Conant who wrote a book titled The Virility of Christ in which he describes his image of Jesus:

When Christ met a man, that man however dull knew instinctively that he stood in the presence of no ordinary person. There were the commanding pose and carriage, the piercing eye, the thoughtful brow; every movement, look and gesture speaking of reserve power, physical, mental, and moral. To an ordinary man the first impression would be overawing, to an extraordinary man a challenge, were it not for the kindly smile which immediately softened the expression; the strong, resonant voice vibrating with sympathy and good-fellowship; the words so fitly chosen for each one’s case.

That Christ’s voice was resonant and of great carrying power was a necessary consequence of his practice of preaching in the open air to audiences of five thousand and upward. And that proves another fact in regard to Christ’s physical appearance —big lung capacity and therefore a well developed torso.

There’s a website dedicated to this new incarnation of Muscular Christians called Anointed Fighter, and according to their “About Us” page:

Anointed Fighter (AF) recognizes that Mixed Martial Arts has become a cultural phenomenon as the fastest growing spectator sport in the world. AF desires to reach the MMA world and its culture with the message of salvation by providing hope, encouragement and truth in a relevant way while breaking down misconceptions of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

AF envisions a time when every MMA enthusiast around the world will be impacted by its ministry through licensed merchandise, print publications, multimedia productions and short-term outreach events that will lead to long-term, self-sustaining discipleship programs.

And in the Anointed Fighter Handbook, you will find:

We are God’s anointed and together we will enjoy eternal life. Until then, we must step inside the cage of life and battle the enemy. Our enemy is a cunning creature. He knows how to punch and kick us off the path of righteousness. He attempts to choke out the light of the Lord in our lives.  We can tap out or we can fight him.

Jesus never tapped out man, and you can wear that message proudly if you buy this t-shirt:

Jesus Didn't Tap 

So you see, contrary to that soft-focus image of a meek philosopher Jesus you probably have in your head…

JesusPortrait sm

…Jesus was not a wimp.  Jesus was a big, strong, loud, barrel-chested man…

Jesus in the ring sm

 …and, if need be, he could kick your ass.

Repent or else!

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , ,

Jack Clark Rips the Steroid Creeps

January 16th, 2010

I don’t often post about sports on this blog, but I came across this article in the moring paper and, because I love a good rant, I am posting these comments made by Jack Clark following Mark McGwire’s recent confession about using steroids, for his “health purposes.”

“A lot of them should be banned from baseball, including Mark McGwire,” said Clark, a four-time All-Star. ” All those guys are cheaters — A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez). Fake, phony.  Rafael Palmeiro. Fake, a phony.  (Roger) Clemens, (Barry) Bonds. (Sammy) Sosa.  Fakes.  Phonies.  They don’t deserve to be in the Hall of Fame.

“They should all be in the Hall of Shame.  They can afford to build it.  They’ve all got so much money.  And they could all go there and talk about the next way to rub something on your skin.  The whole thing is creepy.  They’re all creeps.  All these guys have been liars.”

Referring to some of the admitted steroids users’ tearful apologies, Clark said, “They’re not really a man’s man.  They’re just whimpering boys who are just sad to watch. They try to put it off on somebody else.  I don’t know how they sleep at night, looking at all their fame, let alone the money they took by faking everybody out and lying to everybody. …

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , , ,

Halloween Candy is Cursed and will Poison Your Soul!

October 29th, 2009

Charlie Brown Halloween

Oh sure that looks innocent enough – just a bunch of Peanuts characters hanging out at the pumpkin patch on Halloween, but did you know that they’ve all been exposed to time-released evil spirits delivered to them via witch-cursed Halloween candies?  Did you know that their souls have been commandeered by Satan’s minions?  It’s TRUE!  Lucy, Linus, Peppermint Patty, Pigpen, and Linus are all working for the devil!

You want to know how I know?  I read a column titled “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween” By Kimberly Daniels on the Christian Broadcasting Network website:

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed.  A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

…most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season.  Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store.  The demons cannot tell the difference.

Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats.  It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms.  The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist.  I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season.  If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent.  I have. Then declare with me:  ”As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

I found the column via an email link sent to me by AU, but that link is dead.  I searched for it using the search engine on the CBN website, but it found nothing.  They’ve removed it from their site.  But thanks to Google (they must have eaten some of that cursed candy) you can read the whole column on the cached page.

So be careful this Halloween, and keep your kids and yourselves away from Halloween candy – ALL candy, because you can’t be sure which candy has been cursed.  Those witches are pretty smart you know, they’ll curse the candy that’s not sold as Halloween treats.  They’ll curse your innocent looking Snickers or Hershey bar.  They’ll curse that jawbreaker and even that expensive box of Halloween themed Moonstruck truffles, so BEWARE!

After reading that article I became very wary of my children who have  found the hidden Halloween candy and already eaten a few pieces.  I don’t know if I’ll sleep well tonight for fear the demonic spirits will turn them into:

So scary I have to drink a beer to calm my nerves.  Hey… Kimberly Daniels didn’t say anything about seasonal beers being cursed by witches, so this Snow Cap I’m drinking must be safe.  I don’t feel evil anyway… not yet…

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Author: Brad Categories: Asides Tags: , , , ,