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Who will Pat Robertson blame for the earthquake that struck Chile last night? 

Will it be liberal judges?

Will it be homosexuals?

Will it be feminists?

Will it be evolutionists?

Will it be the United Nations?

Will it be Voodoo Devil Dealmakers?

Will it be the abortionists?

And if a big tsunami strikes the beaches of Hawaii and causes death and destruction, will he blame Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated?

Somebody’s got to take the blame, and it sure as Hell won’t be the nuts that follow the wacked out teachings of Reverend Pat.

via the Lapham’s Quarterly Roundtable blog post, “Turn the Other Cheek.”

The gentlemen boxers of the Young Men’s Christian Association would have been pleased to make the acquaintance of this new incarnation of faith-based fight clubs: a church cum mixed martial arts facility in Nashville called Xtreme Ministries, profiled in this week’s New York Times, which practices a combination of bare-knuckle fighting, wrestling, and kick-boxing and whose motto is “Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.”

Leonard Lane, left, fighting for Xtreme Ministries, a church that doubles as a martial arts academy. photo by Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

The Roundtable post connects this new rougher and tougher image of Jesus and his disciples to the Muscular Christianity movement that arrived in the U.S. around the turn of the 20th Century.  They thought that Christian leaders had pretty much morphed the image of Jesus into a woman during the previous century, and they wanted to turn him into a man again. 

One of the movement’s followers was Dr. R. warren Conant who wrote a book titled The Virility of Christ in which he describes his image of Jesus:

When Christ met a man, that man however dull knew instinctively that he stood in the presence of no ordinary person. There were the commanding pose and carriage, the piercing eye, the thoughtful brow; every movement, look and gesture speaking of reserve power, physical, mental, and moral. To an ordinary man the first impression would be overawing, to an extraordinary man a challenge, were it not for the kindly smile which immediately softened the expression; the strong, resonant voice vibrating with sympathy and good-fellowship; the words so fitly chosen for each one’s case.

That Christ’s voice was resonant and of great carrying power was a necessary consequence of his practice of preaching in the open air to audiences of five thousand and upward. And that proves another fact in regard to Christ’s physical appearance —big lung capacity and therefore a well developed torso.

There’s a website dedicated to this new incarnation of Muscular Christians called Anointed Fighter, and according to their “About Us” page:

Anointed Fighter (AF) recognizes that Mixed Martial Arts has become a cultural phenomenon as the fastest growing spectator sport in the world. AF desires to reach the MMA world and its culture with the message of salvation by providing hope, encouragement and truth in a relevant way while breaking down misconceptions of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

AF envisions a time when every MMA enthusiast around the world will be impacted by its ministry through licensed merchandise, print publications, multimedia productions and short-term outreach events that will lead to long-term, self-sustaining discipleship programs.

And in the Anointed Fighter Handbook, you will find:

We are God’s anointed and together we will enjoy eternal life. Until then, we must step inside the cage of life and battle the enemy. Our enemy is a cunning creature. He knows how to punch and kick us off the path of righteousness. He attempts to choke out the light of the Lord in our lives.  We can tap out or we can fight him.

Jesus never tapped out man, and you can wear that message proudly if you buy this t-shirt:

So you see, contrary to that soft-focus image of a meek philosopher Jesus you probably have in your head…

…Jesus was not a wimp.  Jesus was a big, strong, loud, barrel-chested man…

 …and, if need be, he could kick your ass.

Repent or else!

I don’t often post about sports on this blog, but I came across this article in the moring paper and, because I love a good rant, I am posting these comments made by Jack Clark following Mark McGwire’s recent confession about using steroids, for his “health purposes.”

“A lot of them should be banned from baseball, including Mark McGwire,” said Clark, a four-time All-Star. ” All those guys are cheaters — A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez). Fake, phony.  Rafael Palmeiro. Fake, a phony.  (Roger) Clemens, (Barry) Bonds. (Sammy) Sosa.  Fakes.  Phonies.  They don’t deserve to be in the Hall of Fame.

“They should all be in the Hall of Shame.  They can afford to build it.  They’ve all got so much money.  And they could all go there and talk about the next way to rub something on your skin.  The whole thing is creepy.  They’re all creeps.  All these guys have been liars.”

Referring to some of the admitted steroids users’ tearful apologies, Clark said, “They’re not really a man’s man.  They’re just whimpering boys who are just sad to watch. They try to put it off on somebody else.  I don’t know how they sleep at night, looking at all their fame, let alone the money they took by faking everybody out and lying to everybody. …

Oh sure that looks innocent enough – just a bunch of Peanuts characters hanging out at the pumpkin patch on Halloween, but did you know that they’ve all been exposed to time-released evil spirits delivered to them via witch-cursed Halloween candies?  Did you know that their souls have been commandeered by Satan’s minions?  It’s TRUE!  Lucy, Linus, Peppermint Patty, Pigpen, and Linus are all working for the devil!

You want to know how I know?  I read a column titled “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween” By Kimberly Daniels on the Christian Broadcasting Network website:

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

…

During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed.  A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

…most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season.  Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store.  The demons cannot tell the difference.

…

Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats.  It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms.  The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist.  I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

…

There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season.  If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent.  I have. Then declare with me:  ”As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

I found the column via an email link sent to me by AU, but that link is dead.  I searched for it using the search engine on the CBN website, but it found nothing.  They’ve removed it from their site.  But thanks to Google (they must have eaten some of that cursed candy) you can read the whole column on the cached page.

So be careful this Halloween, and keep your kids and yourselves away from Halloween candy – ALL candy, because you can’t be sure which candy has been cursed.  Those witches are pretty smart you know, they’ll curse the candy that’s not sold as Halloween treats.  They’ll curse your innocent looking Snickers or Hershey bar.  They’ll curse that jawbreaker and even that expensive box of Halloween themed Moonstruck truffles, so BEWARE!

After reading that article I became very wary of my children who have  found the hidden Halloween candy and already eaten a few pieces.  I don’t know if I’ll sleep well tonight for fear the demonic spirits will turn them into:

So scary I have to drink a beer to calm my nerves.  Hey… Kimberly Daniels didn’t say anything about seasonal beers being cursed by witches, so this Snow Cap I’m drinking must be safe.  I don’t feel evil anyway… not yet…

Patti Smith’s son Jackson drives a jacked up Chevy Blazer.

He looks quite proud and happy standing next to his vehicle, so I don’t think he’ll be taking advantage of the “Cash for Clunkers” program to trade it in for a Prius.

She put up the photo because his birthday was August 5th.  So a happy belated birthday to you, Jackson, and I hope to see you performing with your mother sometime soon in Seattle.

And for you who can read Kanji:

うなぎを食べたら、涼しいくなてせきすされられるよ！

What’s this all about?  I recently read an article on The Atlantic Monthly website about how the Japanese believe eating eel, or “unagi,” keeps you cool.  But not only that, it’s also supposed to be an aphrodisiac.

From the article:

…eating eel, known here as unagi, a nutritious food that is thought to provide stamina through the dog days of summer.  The custom is so ingrained in the culture that there are special eel-eating holidays (July 19 and 31 this year) called Doyo No Ushi No Hi.

The tradition began centuries ago and has its origins in a convoluted theory involving the signs of the Chinese zodiac, in which the Ox is the symbol for the coldest winter month.  In Japanese, the Ox is usually called ushi, or cow, and so any foods beginning with the syllable “u”–including unagi–is thought to bring a cool feeling with it.  (Ume–salty plums–also are often eaten during summer, but unagi is most popular.)

…

Barbequed eel filet with a sweet soy sauce over rice–known as kabayaki–is the most common way the meal is prepared, but Juro and Tomoko ordered a sampling of dishes to initiate me.  Up first: fried eel bones.

I never thought eel even had bones, which shows the depths of my ignorance, nor did I ever expect to actually like eating them. But I did.  Thin and delicate, they were crispy and had the salty, seafood flavor of shrimp chips.

…

Next up was pickled eel with vegetables, which brought forth that rich texture that I recalled from the sushi. But the real treats were the next two dishes: barbequed eel wedged into a rectangle of tamago (a sweet egg omelet) and eel and vegetables wrapped with tofu skin and deep fried.

And in the comment section you’ll find: 

…it’s also is a very potent aphrodisiac. And it’s more sustainable than powdered rhino horn and tiger penis. Win/win.

Thank’s to TabA for the Japanese translations of “Eat eel to be cool and get laid,” which he says is very difficult to translate into English.  So you Japanese readers cut him some slack or offer up your own translation.

From the Los Angeles Times:

Thirty-four percent of Americans take a nap on a typical day, according to the latest Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends survey. For men over age 50, the prevalence of napping rises to 41%. The most enthusiastic nappers are African Americans – half of them acknowledged taking a nap in the last 24 hours.

Napping is widespread among people in all regions of the country, according to the survey. The pastime is shared by city dwellers, suburbanites and folks in rural areas. Single people are just as likely to nap as married people; so are parents, childless adults and empty-nesters.

…much more here.

It’s HOT in Seattle.  Today’s high will be in the nineties again, and tomorrow’s high is projected to climb over one hundred degrees.  We Seattleites are not used to extended hot, dry spells.  Most people don’t have air conditioning in their homes, because it’s not something that would get much use.  I would have appreciated having it last night though, and I’ll wish I had an air conditioner tonight.

Because this isn’t really a weather blog, I must have some other point to make.  Oh yeah… I watched Do the Right Thing last week.  That is a movie that I highly recommend.  The movie takes place on a very hot day in Brooklyn, and as the day gets hotter and hotter, race relations heat up.  

Race relations has been one of the ongoing topics of fervent discussion since Henry Louis Gates was arrested for being agitated in his own home.  So maybe if you are so inclined, what you ought to do today is read Eugene Robinson’s column and then later this evening go find a cool spot in your house to watch Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing.

You think I’m kidding right?  A convicted child rapist hosting a night at a club with her former victim, 26 years younger and now husband, spinning Top 40 dance tracks? 

Not kidding… KOMO News reports:

SEATTLE – The odyssey of Mary Kay Letourneau, which began years ago when she was a 34-year-old teacher who raped a sixth-grade student, has now evolved into “Hot for Teacher” night at a Pioneer Square bar.

But the bar’s owner says the event is all in fun, and he hopes people take it in the right spirit.

Letourneau, who eventually served time for raping her former student then later married him after her release from prison, will be hosting the event Saturday at Fuel Sports Eats & Beats on Washington Street.

Letourneau’s former student, Vili Fualaau, will be there, too. He’ll be the DJ, spinning Top 40 and club classic hits all night.

…

The couple first met when Fualaau was in the second grade. Their relationship became sexual when he was 12 and she was a 34-year-old married mother of four, a teacher at a suburban elementary school.

Letourneau was pregnant with Fualaau’s first child when she was arrested in 1997. She pleaded guilty to second-degree child rape and was sentenced to 7½ years in prison, with all but six months suspended.

I wonder what songs Vili will be spinning besides the obvious “Hot for Teacher.”  Perhaps Nirvana’s “Rape Me” or “Polly.”  Gorby recommends “Teacher Teacher” by Rockpile.

Feel free to add your own suggested tracks in the comments section.

Today is Donovan McNabb’s 32nd birthday.  He’s most likely preparing for his big game against the Cardinals on Thanksgiving night.  (Cardinals vs. Eagles… two bird teams…  Thanksgiving… get it?)

Speaking of naps (see previous post) I’ll bet Donovan has been a little sleep deprived.  That would explain how a ten-year veteran quarterback in the NFL wasn’t aware that a regular season game could end in a tie.

I’ll go out on a limb here and bet that he probably got a few of these for his birthday.  Probably one from Roger Goodell and one from Coach Reid and another one from his mom.  Probably a sticky on the page with rules for Sudden Death overtime:

In preseason and regular season games there shall be a maximum of 15 minutes of sudden death with two time outs instead of three. General provisions that apply for the fourth quarter will prevail. Try not attempted if touchdown scored. If there is no score in the 15 minutes, the game shall end in a tie.