Everybody who doesn’t know already wants to know if waterboarding is torture. They simply aren’t satisfied with what our own courts have decided or what Jesse Ventura said on the Larry King show not long ago:
Larry King: You were a Navy S.E.A.L.
Jesse Ventura: Yes, and I was waterboarded [in training] so I know…It is torture…I’ll put it to you this way: You give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.
Nope. They have to figure it out for themselves.
Today was Mancow’s turn. He agreed to subject himself to waterboarding thinking he could tell all his listeners that it’s really no big deal. Some water on the face… a little up the nose… no big deal. Well, here’s how it went down:
Listeners had the chance to decide whether Mancow himself or his co-host, Chicago radio personality Pat Cassidy, would undergo the interrogation method during the broadcast. The voters ultimately decided Mancow would be the one donning the soaked towel and shackles, and at about 8:40 a.m., he entered a small storage room next to his studio that was compared to a “dungeon” by Cassidy.
“The average person can take this for 14 seconds,” Marine Sergeant Clay South answered, adding, ” He’s going to wiggle, he’s going to scream, he’s going to wish he never did this.”
With a Chicago Fire Department paramedic on hand, Mancow was placed on a 7-foot long table, his legs were elevated, and his feet were tied up.
Turns out the stunt wasn’t so funny. Witnesses said Muller thrashed on the table, and even instantly threw the toy cow he was holding as his emergency tool to signify when he wanted the experiment to stop. He only lasted 6 or 7 seconds.
“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,” Mancow said, likening it to a time when he nearly drowned as a child. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back…It was instantaneous…and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.“
Okay then… another convert. WATERBOARDING IS TORTURE!
Oh but they say it’s not if it’s not for very long. How long is that? Six or seven seconds and Mancow saw the light. Watch the video on The Huffington Post.
Next up? I nominate Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney (although he is not human, so it would not affect him like it did Mancow), Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, and Stephen Bradbury. Line them up in their orange jumpsuits. There’s plenty of water to go around and there are Marine seargents ready and waiting to torture the assholes that authorized it.