I was wandering around the neighborhood with my daughter on Saturday and we went into the local bookstore. While she perused the children’s fiction section, I was scanning the shelves of new books and The Future Dictionary of America caught my eye. The back jacket describes the book as “a brilliant, acerbic and provocative imagining of the American language sometime in the future, when all or most of our country’s problems are solved and the present administration is a distant memory.” The book includes contributions from almost 200 writers and artists and also comes with a CD, compiled by Barsuk Records, featuring new songs and rarities from R.E.M., Sleater-Kinney, Elliott Smith, Tom Waits, David Byrne, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, They Might Be Giants, Death Cab for Cutie, and many others.

So yes, I bought it. I had to.

The most amusing definition I’ve read so far is:

O’Reilly [oh-riy'-lee]
v. to misstate the truth and refuse to apologize or correct your error. Usually used to refer to the actions of children. Don’t O’Reilly me, mister. I saw your room and it is not clean.

In 2028, in the popular child-rearing book How to Raise Honest Children, the problem of O’Reillying was formally discussed for the first time in academia, elevating the term from its colloquial origins. The authors of How to Raise Honest Children pointed to the dangers of allowing a child to lie without correction, noting that it is not enough to ignore the child or cease listening to the child. Since children who do not receive attention will only find another ear to tell their tales. Children often long for the approval of their audience; when a parent does not pay attention to a child that O’Reillies, it is possible the child will change their lies to meet the pre-conceived notions of their new audience. The danger is when the listeners themselves are uninformed or prejudiced. The authors warned that a child that is still O’Reillying by the time s/he finished secondary school is likely to continue for the rest of their life; it is important to catch an O’Reillier at an early age.

The authors recommend spending lots of time with the child, correcting the child when the child misstates facts and making sure the child understands. They recommend against forcing the child to change their opinions, noting that a healthy society contains many disparate ways of looking at the world. If, for example, the child says there should be more wild animals in the city it is not imperative the adult correct the child. If, however, the child quotes a study on the subject that does not exist, then it is important that the parent explain to the child the difference between reality and unreality. The adult should explain the importance of supporting opinion with fact. The book even goes so far as to state that no facts are better than wrong facts. Suggested punishments include grounding and cessation of television and phone privileges, while noting the importance of positive reinforcement, such as “I love you, but not when you O’Reilly.”

– by contributing author, Stephen Elliott.

Check out the McSweeney’s website for more details and some definitions included in the book. There are more here.