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Category: Pandemic

You cannot contract Swine Flu by eating pork products

You cannot contract Swine Flu by eating pork products

The amazingly ignorant response to Swine Flu by some middle-eastern nations is a prime example of the type of response to a possible pandemic that is going to end up either making us so complacent in the face of future threats that we’ll all die in complete denial, or killing us all with future, uninformed, emergency responses by politicians. From the Huffington Post:

A spokesman for the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt calls swine flu “more serious than a hydrogen bomb” during a symposium on the health scare. Egypt’s parliament votes to “cull pigs immediately and one parliamentarian proposes criminalizing hog farming. The United Arab Emirates bans the import of pork products as a precautionary measure and several supermarkets in the sheikhdom yank them off the shelves.

If you want induce in yourself a panicked response with a criminally bad misunderstanding of the situation, you can just google it. Here’s what I found when I entered my symptoms – headache, general discomfort, and muscle aches (I spent the weekend in a Mexican spirit…):

You have Swine Flu


How you get it: Inhalation of airborne virus, contact with an infected person’s body fluids, intense and prolonged contact with swine. Try stocking up on Tamiflu.
Incubation period: 2 to 10 days
Early symptoms: Chills, fever, sore throat, general discomfort
Symptoms at full disease onset: Muscle pains, vomiting, diarrhea, severe headache, coughing, weakness
Final outcome of this horrible disease: Back from your Mexican Paradise vacation, you find yourself sluggish and achy. Writing it off as an extended hangover from all that cheap tequila and spit-roasted pork, you decide to stay home an extra day and sleep it off. Over the next few days, as you slip in and out of consciousness, you notice your headache and muscle pains are worsening, your cough is almost unbearable, and just prior to slipping into one last, fever induced seizure, a final, lucid thought forces its way into your mind: Why did I eat all that chorizo?

There is nothing you can do now but wait for death to arrive and hope it comes quickly. Make your peace.


get your own internet diagnosis