How the New England Patriots cheat in tonight’s Thursday Night Football game vs. the Houston Texans

How the New England Patriots cheat in tonight’s Thursday Night Football game vs. the Houston Texans

The undefeated, but always cheating, New England Patriots (2-0) host the undefeated Houston Texans (2-0) tonight in a conference match-up on Thursday Night Football. Watch it on the NFL Network or CBS tonight at 8:25 p.m. ET.

People think that since Tom Brady is suspended and Jimmy Garoppolo is injured, New England is forced to start their rookie third-round pick, Jacoby Brissett. But you know Bill Belichick doesn’t like going to an unproven rookie to run his offense, so he has to have found a way to cheat his way out of this situation. Cheating is one of the things he does best you know.

Reporters said yesterday that the New England coaches were trying to get Garoppolo ready to play, even though he obviously shouldn’t and probably can’t. My theory? Belichick has arranged to have Brady impersonate Jimmy Garoppolo.


It wouldn’t be that hard. Just change jerseys. You can’t really see their faces with those helmets on, so who would know?

Or, with a little help from Gisele Bündchen’s makeup crew, Tom could do as Robert Downey Jr. did for the movie Tropic Thunder:


And impersonate Jacoby Brissett.


So don’t be fooled tonight night when you watch the game. The guy behind center taking snaps, handing the ball off, throwing the ball, and hopefully getting sacked may not be wearing  number 12, but he will actually be the Pat’s suspended-for-cheating quarterback Tom Brady. He just won’t look like Tom Brady.


The line was “pick” but it changed this morning to favor Houston by one point. With Tom playing instead of Jimmy or Jacoby, it’s got to be New England by at least five. Bet on it!

Update: Bill Belichick played it straight and started the real Jacoby Brissett, and the Patriots won the game 27-0! Who needs Tom Brady when Houston has the fumbly, dropsy, picksies? They were TRRRRRRRBL!!!!!!

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