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Trump Fucker Cocktail Recipe

Trump Fucker Cocktail Recipe

What should you drink during the six months between now and Election Day? I think you should try my tasty new cocktail recipe that allows you to vent your frustrations with Donald Trump while you make it, laugh while you sip it and savor the complex, somewhat bittersweet orange-spice flavors that result from the perfect harmony of ingredients and the cathartic process of preparing it.

Everything you need for a Trump Fucker cocktail.

Ingredients

  • ¾ oz vodka
  • ¾ oz Ferrand Dry Curaçao (this is important – do not substitute – and it’s also great in a Mai-Tai)
  • ½ oz dark rum (Pyrat, Cayman Reef Barbados, and Kōloa Gold are good choices for dark rum. Bacardi would probably be good too)
  • ½ oz Campari
  • juice of 1/2 lime
  • juice of one whole small mandarin orange
  • 3 dashes of orange bitters

Preparation

Pour all the ingredients in a shaker about one-third full of ice cubes. Pick up the shaker and raise it to eye level. Imagine that it’s Donald Trump’s head and then shake it violently. Feel free to scream as you continue to shake it mercilessly until your hands are so cold they hurt.

Pour the drink into a old fashioned glass or rocks glass (or even an absinthe glass) with ice – preferably one large ice cube but, in a pinch, a few normal size cubes will do. The color of the drink should match the orangey hue of Donald’s spray tan.

Garnish with one or two lychee fruits and, for optimum presentation, place a blueberry in the opening of the each lychee. If you make it right, it looks like this.

A perfect Trump spray-tan color with white eye sockets.
“That fucking cocktail is such a pretty color. Reminds me of someone… Oh, right. Me! My beautiful self! So wonderful, so unbelievably wonderful looking… too bad I don’t drink, but you go right ahead and drink that beautiful cocktail. I heard it ends with a perfect, so perfect bitter aftertaste. Why is that? I wonder…” – Donald Trump

Approval Rating: Donald Trump Breaks Record for Fastest Majority Disapproval Ratings

Approval Rating: Donald Trump Breaks Record for Fastest Majority Disapproval Ratings

Donald Trump’s favorite topic

President Donald Trump spoke at the annual National Prayer Breakfast meeting this morning, and guess what he talked about? Himself! As in the Celebrity Apprentice reality television show’s approval rating with him as the host compared to the show’s ratings with Arnold Schwarzenegger as host.

“We know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes. It’s been a total disaster, and I want to just pray for Arnold if we can, for those ratings”.

Donald Trump likes to make jokes about other people’s failures, and he cares way too much about his own success or lack thereof. That’s why he whined like a baby when he found out that more people attended and watched President Obama’s inauguration than his. He just couldn’t believe it and spoke forcefully about how more people attended and watched his inauguration even though the event photos, television ratings, and transportation data clearly show otherwise. He cried about it for over a week, and will probably continue to do so until he dies.

So you have to wonder what a man who is so concerned about ratings thinks about this:

Donald Trump’s 8 day approval-rating honeymoon

Eight days into his term and he hit a majority disapproval rating. Donald Trump won that race. Fastest ever!

In contrast, President Obama left office with a 37% disapproval rating and 59% approval rating.

Given the way Trump has governed during his first two weeks, he may never reach a majority approval rating. Seriously, he’s never appealed to more than 50% of voters and if he continues to cater to the hard right wackos in the party instead of reaching out to people on the other side, he never will.

Watch Donald Trump jack off his ego on television in this interview with David Muir

Watch Donald Trump jack off his ego on television in this interview with David Muir

President Donald Trump gave his first major television interview since taking office and used the opportunity to jack off his ego. You can watch it in full and read the transcript on the ABC News website. Listen carefully to the first 28 seconds. You will hear him say “I Can Be the Most Presidential Person Ever other than possibly the great Abe Lincoln” which for some reason is not included in the transcript. And from there it just gets more and more self indulgent.

Here’s the YouTube video (no telling how long ABC will allow it to be shared).

Most grown ups would have moved on from comparing crowd sizes at President Obama’s 2009 inauguration to the size of the crowd at his own inauguration, but not The Donald. He spoke about it at the CIA on Saturday, he tweeted about it, and he spoke about it ad nauseam again last night. Here are a few excerpts:

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A Question for all the Donald Trump Supporters

A Question for all the Donald Trump Supporters

A Question for all the Donald Trump supporters who continue to baffle me with their unwavering support for a politician who is clearly at odds with their own personal values and moral codes.

So what if one day between now and November 8th Donald Trump actually acted out all of his narcissistic, bullying, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, war-crimes rhetoric and did this:

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